I want to learn how to play. I never did that, not the way I love to watch others play - un-self consciously, without concern, as if nobody was watching, as if it was mortally important to do so. Maybe it was the only-child thing - too many hours spent playing alone, or the way Mom taught me to be considerate and to not draw attention and to not do anything to offend anyone.
I'm over some of that. I offend people all the time now, if not by being particularly inconsiderate then by expressing an opinion that they don't agree with. I can live with that. Actually, I consider it imperative to do so.
But what I'm starting to think I can't live with is this internal aversion to dancing, to laughing too loudly in public, to oblivious play. I'm jealous of those that do it naturally, or that have learned to do it. I need to, learn that is.
This guy gets the importance of play. I understand it logically, and support it fully from an ideological perspective. But I'd like to, maybe need to, internalize it. I need to become an activist for play. I suddenly find myself aware that I am play-impoverished. I have fun, don't get me wrong, but I don't "play". Not frivolously.
I'm just too fucking serious for my own damned good sometimes. I need a clown nose. Like, now.
Watch this. Seriously, click play now! It's hilarious, and it only lasts twelve or thirteen minutes. I need to find one of these groups for some immersion therapy.