what it is, nothing more

I wrote a rant yesterday, and tried to spice it up with enough tongue-in-cheek sarcasm to feign the appearance of humor. Mostly I was just pissed off and ranting. Then I read a blog about “Tweeting good tweets” and “posting good posts” and how all of that is important to “building an online following” and “getting followers” and “establishing an online presence”.

My first thought was, “I guess I missed the mark and that one.” And then my second thought was, “Fuck it. I'll own that.!”

Not that there’s anything specifically wrong with the tricks and the games, but I know they aren’t for me. If I went that route, I’d never be able to forgive myself. I’m intentionally ignoring all the tricks for expanding my followers list on Twitter, intentionally choosing to post potentially uncomfortable links, expressing opinions, taking stands on issues. It’s been part of the inversion from, literally, day minus one. I know this blog and most of what I post on FB and Twitter has (on the surface of it, anyway) nothing to do with publishing a fantasy novel, but it has everything to do with trying to be authentic.

I’m sure they told Frank Herbert that about Dune too – too political, too ecologically sensitive, too subversive. And I know that Margaret Atwood catches constant shit about her political and social views. I’m not in their league (hell, I’m not in their universe, to be clear), but I admire their courage. I admire the integrity to have an opinion and a voice, damn the torpedoes. They make me want to aspire.

If (when) I publish, I will publish as me, not a persona. I’ve lived dual lives, a professional me and a personal me. It sucked. If my opinions and perspectives make that process harder, then so fucking be it. I refuse to sacrifice my freedom of thought and expression in order to be more popular or an easier sell.

Writing, being an artist, isn’t a game. This isn’t about winning anything or conquering anything. It’s about having a voice and a mind and sharing it, all of it, as honestly as we can. It’s about telling honest stories. If it’s fiction, as mine is, then the Picasso quote (which I found thanks to the inimitable Judy Clement Wall) applies: “Art is the lie that tells the truth.” If that means that I’ll never publish, because I’m not marketable, then so be that too. I’ll wear that, proudly.

Thoreau said, “I’d rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself, than be crowded on a velvet cushion.” And then Einstein is attributed with saying something to the affect of, “If two people in the same room share all the same views on everything, one of them doesn’t need to be there.” That shit’s about abjuring the herd mentality, about not succumbing to it.

I won’t play games with my integrity for the sake of the possibility of a career. And if it ever turns into an actual career, I hope I still have enough integrity to be even louder when it counts most, and prove myself worthy of the career. I’d happily own failing as a marketable author for the sake of succeeding as a human with integrity.

If being honest and taking a stand means that I’ll never win the internet, I hope I never win the fucking internet.

P.S. This isn’t about anybody in particular. I’m just in a rant mood this week. Everything is coming out as a rant. I blame Gov. Scott Walker and my #amrevising playlist, which is largely comprised of Pearl Jam, Pink, Eminem, Foo Fighters, and Linkin Park. But, while I blame them, I still own every. Fucking. Word.


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P.P.S. FYI: Intense Debate is acting weird on me. I have no moderation settings set, but comments are getting lost in the ether or, for some reason, to moderation. My apologies if you get lost - I have a help ticket submitted. I still appreciate every word of every comment though. Persevere for me, please.

because sometime you just have to laugh for crying

So, yesterday or so, the Israel IDF bombed Gaza. Again. Specifically, they bombed buildings under construction so, on the good side of things, nobody was there and there were no casualties. More specifically, the buildings under construction were on the campus of the University.

That’s right, potential building if higher learning. The irony is so thick we could walk on it, barefoot.

To be fair, I haven’t heard the IDF side of the story yet. I searched it, but apparently they haven’t made a comment. This time.

In the past though, also to be fair, right wing Israeli bloggers have called the Gaza University a “greenhouse of Hamas terrorism”, so it must be okay to bomb it. Just like when they bombed a UN elementary school in ’09. Because, you know, of that nasty greenhouse effect.

Only, these were building under construction so, well, no roofs. No roofs make it hard for there to be a greenhouse effect, even a metaphorical one, because they haven’t been used for anything yet. I suppose this was one of them pre-emptive strikes, just in case anyone was going to get all green-housey in there. You know, later.

Or, perhaps, it’s just that an educated population is tyranny’s greatest fear. Ever. Educated folk stand up for themselves, demand basic things like the right to farm, and have water, and not be indiscriminately killed while attending school or farming and shit. Educated folk see through the bullshit and the lies.

Heck, when the lies are being told by the IDF and the Israeli government, it doesn’t even take an education. Just a willingness to not be intentionally obtuse.

Please don’t misunderstand me – I think Hamas is just as much to blame as the Israeli government and IDF. I think all three organizations largely suck shit. I just wish they’d quit making civilians pay for their blood thirsty ways. And, in the case of Israel, which holds pretty much all the cards, I wish that they’d realize that being a big (homicidal, bigoted, apartheid-loving) bully just makes them look so, so bad.

On a more positive note, I watched this, from TED.com, in which JR, a French artist, received the TED award and made his TED wish. Part of his work was done in Israel and Palestine, where Mullahs, Imams, Rabbis and a host of regular folk from both sides of the apartheid wall participated in an installation that promoted unity.

If we could just completely marginalize the haters…

No, wait, that marginalizing thing is what got us here, isn’t it. Maybe we should use the J’s Love Project strategy and love more.

I think that a protest in which all the peace lovers of the world marched en masse to their leaders' halls of ignorance, er, power, and then force-hugged every last one of the fuckers, would be pretty damned effective. I think it might actually change some of them (a good hug is a powerful thing).

And the ones that couldn’t handle it, and whose heads just exploded? Collateral damage, baby. Cheney and Rumsfeld would appreciate the irony, I’m sure.