right now

Disclaimer: You don't need to read this. This post is about staying honest to me and about being true to  my writing ethic. As such, it's not necessarily for public consumption. If you choose to proceed, I'll explain why I'm posting it at all a little farther down.

I was going to post today about The Newsroom, a review of sorts. And then Colorado happened. The media is still trying to get the facts together and not trip over itself too much trying to scoop the competition, so mostly we just have some numbers and some sensationalism, and the truth is a ways away just yet. There's a lot of speculation and supposition. A motive is profoundly absent.

In the days to come there will be revelation or not, concrete explanations of motive or not, politicization of the incident without a doubt. It is, after all, an election year in the USA. Whether any of that will matter much in the days to come is arguable, but right now it's just not appropriate. 

Right now people are absent who were alive twelve and a half hours ago. Families are grieving. That's all that matters right now. Sympathy seems like such a small thing to offer.

I'm struggling a bit with just the idea of writing about this right now, or of posting it afterwards. It seems profoundly self-indulgent to think there's anything worth saying; that I have anything worth saying about it. Writing requires a certain amount of hubris: argue for or against. But writing is a large part of how I process, how I sort and order. And blogging, hopefully, is about transparency; about committing to honesty as a cornerstone of a writing life. About risking exposure.

So I'll post this, but not post links. Only if you subscribe will you even see it. Like I said, you didn't need to read this. I just needed to write it.

Right now, that makes sense to me on some level. Right now, I write to keep from screaming, or weeping, or punching the wall. Maybe, right now, you're reading for the same reasons. Thinking that Colorado will make sense, any time, any how, seems optimistic and a bit beside the point. Right now, anyway.

Right now it's way more important to send positive thoughts, direct your intentions, or maybe pray if that's your thing. Right now you should find someone you love and hug them hard. Right now, more than most times even, the world needs that.

P.S. Embedding a video seemed like too much, but I thought of this song, as I usually do when things go violently sideways in our world. Proceed if you want to.